theluxordream3

'Copenhagen'

(taken from 'The Cynical Travellers Guide' by Titus Luxor

available at all goofy book stores)

I get things.

I mean I get things like you do.

You come here and 'get' things right?

OK, so Frau Luxor is into 'The Bridge'.

So I 'got' her the whole thing.

Haven't watched it myself but she loves it.

It's a sort-of whodunnit? TV series thing

with arty-pretentiousness thrown in for good measure

to capture the target audience of middle income,

university educated people like...er...Frau Luxor.

The plot revolves around the Øresund Bridge

which links Sweden to Denmark.

I have seen it. (the actual bridge. not the TV show...do keep up)

We went to Copenhagen to see Blue Öyster Cult.

(More on that later)

They only have one beer in Copenhagen.

It is Tuborg.

One bar had about 20 pumps...huge place...all Tuborg/only me there.

I nearly broke my neck going to the toilet.

They'd turned all the lights off to save money.

I don't like Tuborg.

Furthermore is is about £9 for a pint of this rubbish.

Tried the old 'pop down a backstreet/see where the locals drink' technique.

Got me a pint of Tuborg for £8.50.

'where the locals drink' LOL...there was nobody there.

They can't afford it.

I saw bank managers on bicycles

...and don't give me that environmentally friendly shit.

Biggest news story of the weekend was the bike sunami at the railway station.

I saw it...like a bike version of when you line dominos up to create a chain reaction.

See what I did there? Chain ...as in bicycle chain?..oh I give up.

The girl on reception at the hotel said she could barely afford to live there

and had moved out for a couple of years when she'd had a kid.

The common myth is...well they get paid loads so can afford those prices.

Not true, do you think they don't have their minimum wage/gig ecconomy like all big cities?

£7 for a paper plate of chips (french fries) which were cold.

The Blue Öyster Cult gig was at the famous Amager Bio.

Well weird.

We got there early. Was hard to tell which concrete block was the venue.

A sort of courtyard with two or three buildings any of which could be it.

Stalls serving food/people sat around.

We sat around. Tried the food (see previous comments)

Eventually I turned to a nearby dude who had long hair and asked:

a) Do you speak English, and

b) What the fuck is going on here 'cos it's turned into a 'family picnic'

and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm in the right place.

Well... wouldn't you know it...(nothing goes normally for me)

He rasped, in a voice that came as if through crushed glass,

"Yes I speak Engish, I'm sorry about my voice but I have throat cancer.

I am from Sweden. Blue Öyster Cult are on later"

(he pointed to the least impressive shack-like structure)

Er...thanks man. (I'm now traumatised on his behalf)

This was a few years ago but BÖC had not played there since 1975.

The local/not so local fans were rather hungry for it.

I muscled my way down to the stage and stood right in front of where I knew Buck would be

with the Frau protected by my manly arms (OK, spindley arms) as the locals fought it out.

Two Swedish brothers, who told me they were punks, fought the whole way through.

Girlfriends were pushed onstage only to be ushered into the wings

by Kasim Sulton of all people. Kasim sings sweetly but has a mean side.

These chicks were then 'thrown out' by security

only to re-appear at the front of the stage 10 minutes later.

I was the only one there who knew all the words.

It was M-A-G-I-C

Went to a hot-dog van after the gig.

Worst/most expensive hot-dog ever!

I told him that if he sold this stuff where I came from

his van would be tipped over and burnt before midnight.

regards

Titus